Character flaws: it's not you, it's totally me, Wrap up

This marks the end of my 'Character flaws' posts for two reasons. First, I was attempting to use this series as a Lenten-like reflection exercise and Lent is nearly over. Second, if I kept coming up with more flaws (and I'm quite confident I could), you, dear reader, might start to wonder if there's anything likable about me. Or, you might worry that I was suffering from an unhealthy degree of self-loathing (which is also possible).

So, what have I learned?

I can be unsociable and taciturn (aka a Darcy-Pants); I'm jealous; I can be quick to anger and I'm grumpy; I'm a scaredy cat; I'm a worrier; and I don't know many things.

I don't think any of these flaws were a surprise, I was aware of many of these long ago. The more important question is, have I managed to do anything about them and well, I'm not sure. I've been trying to be nicer to random people. To at least smile and nod if someone holds the elevator door open for me, and to say 'thanks' if I get my vocal cords warmed up in time. Hey, baby steps, right?

Also, Andrew recently complimented me for saying exactly the right thing, at exactly the right time to give the impression that I wasn't angry over something (which I wasn't). I can't confidently say that this conversational success with the result of diligent study, but maybe it had something to do with being at ease (i.e. not jealous or angry or worried) with the situation?

It's only been a few weeks, and this will definitely be a work of a life time. As I commented in my last post (The death of 1000 paper cuts) no one can be perfect and that's not my aim, but I want to be better than what I am now. Better for my own benefit, better for my husband, better for my friends, and better for any children I might bare in the future.

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.

~Michael J. Fox

Ciao

Character flaws: It's not you, it's totally me, Part 3

I'm a scaredy cat.

Not, I'm 'afraid of heights/afraid of getting hit by a car while crossing the street/afraid of germs' kind of scaredy cat. I'm scared of people.

Okay, so I'm not scared of people on the whole. I'm scared of random people. The disheveled (likely homeless) person on the street shuffling down the sidewalk, the person shouting angrily (either at someone, or just into the air), the weird person who gets on the elevator with me and talks to be about seemingly random things. I'm afraid of those people.

Really, I think what I'm afraid of is unpredictability. What is that person going to say or do? Are they going to lash out violently? Are they going to make a sexist or racist comment? I may also be afraid of myself and whether or not I'd be able to respond appropriately, or in a way in which I can hold my head up afterward.

Here's the other thing, I'm not sure what I should recommend to myself to do to try to over come this flaw. Part of what is scary about unpredictability is that it could lead to bodily harm. For example, if two people are having an argument on a street, a concerned passer-by might try to step in and see if they can help diffuse the situation, but it might also get them stabbed with a previously concealed knife. I'm not saying it will happen, just that it could.

I suppose a good start is recognition of my flaw. I think part of tackling it may also be linked back to my earlier post about being a Darcy-pants. I don't think that I need to necessary strike up conversations with homeless people, or weird people in elevators, but I can at least try to be polite (Sorry, I don't have any change) rather than completely mute.

Any other suggestions?

Maybe ever’body in the whole damn world is scared of each other.
~John Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men

Ciao