Friday, March 1, 2013

I'm 32 years old and I don't know what I want to do when I grow up, Part 3

Let me be clear, I don't hate my job.

In fact, I have a pretty decent job, and having had some fairly awful ones, I think I have the authority to know that some of the alternatives are like.

I'm paid well, I have friendly co-workers, no one's trying to stab me in the back, and working at the University has several perks (like a gym, pool, public transit covered between main stops, plus other financial benefits).

So what's the problem?

Well, it's repetitive, cycles through highs and lows (in terms of amount of work to do), and doesn't have a lot of outlets for creativity.

Some of you might still be thinking, so what's the problem?

I find the repetition, the cycles, the lack of creativity stressful and demeaning on my psyche. It makes me tired even when I haven't had a particularly busy day, and zaps my motivation for writing once I get home. I can usually force myself to write, but often not until after I've wasted a chunk of time working myself up to the task. Then I stop earlier than I might like because I just can't press on until bed time.

This wasn't always an issue. Several years ago, when I'd just started my job and I was only an RA, I could get in a full three hours of writing most nights. Now I'm taking nights off every few days it seems and it's not as if I come back feeling more rested.

I totter back and forth on whether or not I need a new job. As I said, it's really not so bad, but it's not really a great fit for me either.

Also, I don't know what would suit me better. A 'real' librarian job, one where I actually work in a library and talked to people? Except having to talk and deal with people all day would probably be just as tiring. I like the idea of doing something in the social media/transmedia arena, except I have no idea how to get into it, especially in Edmonton. Plus I don't have any educational/work background in social media except I'm enthusiastic. And writing isn't a career path one can easily live upon--especially when one's spouse is still a grad student.

Where does this all leave me? No where closer to where I want to be, just as confused and uncertain as a kid graduating high school and heading to university or collage. Maybe that's how everyone feels. Maybe most people pick their job based on what's available, convenient, easy, or not as bad as the alternative, but considering how much time we spend at our jobs, shouldn't we expect more?

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
~Drew Carey


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