One month in: What have I learned in my process of self-reflection?

Honestly, I haven't really learned anything new. Nor have I come closer to making a decision about my life (hence why I intend this to be a multi-month process).

For the month of January I took a pretty standard approach to decision making.

Step 1: Identify the decision to be made
What kind of career or job do I want to have, or what kind of career or job do I think would make me most happy?

I wonder if this is an over simplification of the decision to be made, or perhaps, I'm trying to put this decision into too simple of terms. It's what I've decided to build on, which might get hashed out better in subsequent months and styles of decision making.

Step 2: Identify alternatives
As I see it, I have 2 paths I can follow.

Librarianship/Research: For the purpose of this exercise I see librarianship and research as the same option, or that they have the same value. Both represent the more 'standard' job. Both would likely be reasonably steady hours, greater pay, and rely on my degree and work experience. In a year's time I'd be looking into courses on stats, or research methods, or librarian-related courses to improve my job prospects.

Aerials/Writing: Unlike the above, these are not exactly the same job, but I feel like to do one, it might require the other because there isn't a lot of money to be made at either. This would definitely be the path of the artist. In year 2 of this process I'd be focusing on taking further aerial teacher training, and figuring out how to market my current books, while writing a new one.

Step 3: Identify uncertainties
One of the biggest problems I have is coming to peace with my level of income and my contribution to the Milne household. I have a lot of wants which require money: nice clothing, nice house, fun vacations, good food, good wine, a car in good working order.

If I choose the librarian/research path, my income won't be much of an uncertainty, but it's a huge one if I choose the aerials/writer path.

Building on this is, what is it that makes me happy? A small part of me thinks (or maybe just imagines), if I figure out what will make me happy, the choice of career will become obvious. Some beacon will shine out of the fog of my life and tell me what I'm supposed to do with myself. Then the whole income level won't matter because I'll be happy, and isn't that the most important thing in life?

Step 4: Gather relevant information
I took this stage as coming up with a list of pros and cons. I repeated this exercise on a couple of different nights, thinking I might have slightly different insights on different nights, then compared what I came up with.

Elements I would consider important in a job:

• Ability to be physically active.
• Ability to have creative outlets.
• Some flexibility in hours to allow for: being available to Ruth if she needs me during the day; occasionally volunteering with a charity.
• Yet some consistent number of hours a week (anywhere between 15 and 20, I think).
• If not receiving benefits, being paid sufficiently to offset not having them.

Elements I would dislike in a job: (which may basically be the opposite of my list of pros)

• Inconsistent hours or schedule OR too ridged a schedule interfering with the amount of time I can spend with Ruth and Andrew.
• A desk job where I sit all day.
• No opportunities to exercise my creativity.
• Low/little income, and/or no benefits.
• Too much time spent alone OR little social interaction.

Step 5: Make a decision

As I stated above, I wasn't necessarily expecting to come out of this single exercise with a final decision. I can't deny, however, certain elements: physical activeness; creativity; flexibility; at least some interaction with others, are jumping out at me.

You would think at this point the signs would be pretty clear, but there's that uncertainty I identified. How much or little income am I comfortable with? That is what I need to figure out.

I had a dream last night (after having written the bulk of this blog post) that seemed aptly timed (and rather suggestive):

I was at Base Camp at Mount Everest. Andrew and Ruth were with me to wish me luck, but I was getting cold feet. I wasn't sure I wanted to go on the climb (the success rate is low, many people die). Additionally, I was supposed to go to Australia (I'm not sure where this came from) after I was finished the climb, meaning I wasn't going to see Andrew and Ruth for weeks. In the end, I decided to stay at the base of Mount Everest, to spend time with my husband and daughter.

A much smaller 'mount' I actually scaled. The Notch, in Jasper National Park, on the Jasper Skyline Trail.

I still remember worrying as we climbed The Notch that I had gotten us into something I shouldn't have, as Andrew was suffering from a bad head cold at the time.

That was a heck of a day, 20+ km, 3 mountain passages.

Until next time.

Ciao,

Andrea

Happy New Year! Now, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?

Back in September I interviewed for a part-time research assistant position. I was turned down, told I was their 'number two.' At that point I decided I wasn't going to apply to any other jobs unless it was a perfect fit.

Instead I was going to do aerials, write, and sew (and take care of my daughter, of course). I was going to train lots, work on my new story idea, and start building a homemade wardrobe.

I also needed to do some deep thinking. I spent sometime researching decision making techniques, making note of several I thought could be helpful. I made an unofficial deadline of September 2018 (when Ruth starts JK) to decide if I was going to take more courses in librarianship/research or instructing aerials.

I was going to put on my big girl pants, and make some decisions about what I really want in life and what makes me happy.

At the end of November I was contacted again about the research assistant position. Certain circumstances had led the first pick to find a different job, was I still interested?

Well crap. I hadn't expected that change of events. I'd put the initial disappointment behind me, and had settled into the idea of staying at home and working on things at my own pace. The trouble was, what if by the time my deadline came around, I decided I needed to find a regular job? It would be 5+ years since the last time I'd worked in a regular office setting. I'd have no up-to-date experiences or references for a librarian/research job.

I've taken the job. Besides the issues above, it is, in fact, a fantastically important research project dealing with mental health and the work place (put very broadly).

As the holidays came to an end, I was looking at my official, up-to-full hours (full, part-time hours, that is), start date of January 2nd, and I was (and still am) kind of panicking. I feel like my plate is full, boarding on over flowing.

In the 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks in a year I have for the next 3 years I need to:

1. Work (up to) 21 hrs/week.
2. Teach aerials 4-6 hr/week (offering to do more day-time hours next fall).
3. Train aerials 4-6 hr/week (at least)
4. Exercise (cardio/strength conditioning) 5-6 hr/week.
5. Write (ha!).
6. Sew (ha! x2).

Then there's the general life stuff of: taking care of/being present for my family, making home cooked meals (most of the time), making sure there's clean laundry, keeping the house tidy enough that it won't drive me nuts (I'm looking into a cleaning service)...anything else? Getting enough sleep, I suppose.

Oh Boy.

Now, let me circle back to something from before.

Above all else, what I must do over the next 3 years is think about what I want to do with my life, and this is in fact that actual point of this post.

My New Years resolution is to spend the next year thinking about what makes me happy, and what I want to do as a job/career. Aerials, write, sew, or librarianship/research. Maybe a combination of 2 of these, but not likely more. By the end of 2018 I would like to have an action plan for 2019. What do I focus in on? What do I re-train in? I'll still have until the end of 2020 before things come into full effect, but I need to know what I'm doing once my present contract is up.

Not only do I need to put on my big girl pants for me, but I need to put them on for Ruth. I need to demonstrate to her how to lead a happy and fulfilled life no matter what career path I choose.

Happy New Years everyone.

Ciao,

Andrea

Awesome photograph by the Awesome Alexa Baker, who some how manages to make me feel like a model.

Hello again...What's new? Not much

Hello again, dear reader. Yes, it has been a while. Seven months, I think?

What's new? Oh, not much. I'm still as uncertain, and indecisive as ever. Aerials, motherhood, writing, and librarianship all continue to fight for supremacy in my confused and befuddled heart and mind.

Andrew remains a wonderful support, although I know he's getting frustrated with me, a) because I can't seem to make a decision, or even in progress toward a decision; and b) because he can't help me. I'm not going to delve into this right now.

What brings me back to my little blog space? Well, it's NaNoWriMo,...which in the past I have despised (writing ridiculous amounts in a month does not make one a writer). I'm definitely not going to meet the fifty thousand word goal, but I AM writing. For me, that's pretty big. I haven't had a new set of characters to write about in over three years (hm,...wonder why). I haven't had a new story idea in three years either. I was beginning to despair that that aspect of my creative life was all over.

After a recent re-watching of Casablanca, I had an idea. Something about the phrase 'Everyone comes to Rick's, got me going. Any maybe I could take some of the elements of my favourite book, Sunshine, put then together and come up with something interesting? Whether anyone else will find it interesting remains to be seen.

So, I'm here to proclaim to the hill tops and back: I AM WRITING.

I will try to blog again soon about some other (non-writing) projects I've got planned for November and December.

My current self-published novels available on Amazon. Cimwai's Bay, The Cure, and Circus of Love, under my pen name, Peggy Fitz

Ciao,

Andrea

Clearing one thing up: the afterward of the afterward

Gentle Reader, it seems that one or two of the commenters in Facebook may have made a slight mis-interpretation of part of my original post about Value. If 1 or 2 people in the comments made this mistake, another 5 or 10 who didn't comment probably also drew similar conclusions.

In my original post I wrote about how motherhood changed my view on my career, and how I want Ruth to know she is valued for who she is--and for her to value me. From this, it seems that a few people may have assumed that part of my 'Value Equation' included: What is the value of motherhood? This wasn't my intention.

I enjoy being a mother far more than I imagined I would have, and this is part of the reason why I'm reluctant to return to a full time career. I want to be present in some of the most formative years of my daughter's life, and so I have her at home with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I also want to be available to Ruth if she gets sick at daycare or school and needs to come home early, or be an occasional chaperone on field trips, etc. for sometime yet to come.

However, my not being sure if I want to return to a professional librarian career (full or part time) is related to my uncertainty of what I want to do with my life and not to having a daughter. I think it's fair to say I was never completely happy working as a research librarian. It was okay. I liked the people I worked with, and I didn't feel like my soul was being sucked by some horrid corporate mind-set, but I didn't exactly live and breath for research methods either.

What I meant by bringing up Ruth in my original post was that as she gets older, and she looks at Andrew and sees him as a University Lecturer with a PhD, and looks me and sees an Aerial Instructor (with a MLIS), I hope she doesn't see my choice of career as less valid. They are very different career choices, one fairly traditional and brings in the bulk of our family income, the other not so much--on either count.

Although, as a couple of people pointed out on Facebook, if there's ever a Parent-Career Day Visit Type-Thing at school, kids will probably be way more excited when I explain what I do, compared to most parents.

Does this make sense? Has this cleared up the difference between Value of Career, and Value of Motherhood?

Until next time.

Ciao,

Andrea

Afterward...Finding my value

Well, Gentle Reader, I thought I'd better write a follow-up to my last blog post. I have many, many thoughts on what I need to discuss next, and I have no idea how I'm going to appropriately touch on each point that has been raised, but I will do my best.

To start, let me say how amazing my friends are. When you write a personal post like my previous one, you never know how people are going to respond. I wrote it with the sole purpose of explaining my feelings--mostly so I could work things through for myself. I didn't expect to be trolled, but I didn't know if anyone would read it, let alone respond. My friends did respond (on Facebook), in force.

Many friends reminded me I'm not alone in struggling with my sense of value, and thanked me for sharing my feelings:

"I think value is something anyone with a good sense of self scrutinizes often. I know I do. Thank you for sharing."

Some friends shared their similar experiences of setting aside a normal/more lucrative career for something their passionate about:

"I also have been feeling this- part of why I have stuck around in [my profession] so long is because I have an ingrained assumption that it is somehow more valuable to society than my other endeavors...even though I KNOW this to be untrue."

"As someone who went from gainfully employed to [an artist]... I HEAR YOU. All I can say is, the arts are IMPORTANT and motherhood is IMPORTANT. Don't feel like you're somehow worth less because you're not earning as many actual dollars as you were before. It's hard, though. I still struggle with it..."

Some friends shared their reactions to when they meet/hear of someone who has an alternative career:

"It is hard to accept the fact that you have worked so many years and are moving down instead of 'up' like your friends/peers...As for your work seeming frivolous, I ask you to remember peoples' reactions when they meet a yoga or dance instructor. Usually it is with awe and jealousy. "Man, I wish I could do that for a living!"." 

"There is one thing I ask myself that helps me in this situation: what would I think of someone else doing this? I don't know about you, but I admire people who find a way to do what they really love, whether they get paid for it or not. Including you!"

A fellow instructor shared her experience of how teaching Pole has changed her students lives:

"When I first starting teaching pole I thought it was just a fun job to do to keep me busy and fit. The first time I had a student come up to me and tell me about how pole and the studio community had helped them feel more confident in themselves and that they were taking steps to end an abusive relationship, I thought it was a fluke. The second time it happened, I thought it was an odd coincidence. The third time it happened I realized there was a lot more going on than I had ever realized.

Progressing in pole or aerial and being able to do things you thought you would never be able to do in a million years is such an incredible confidence booster, and confident people can go on to make incredible changes in their lives and the world around them.

As a fellow higher education nerd/"career woman", I can absolutely understand how you may feel less valuable now, but you're definitely not!"

And finally, someone I see as a successful business person who is also someone I admire, wrote this:

 "You are not alone. And if many/all of us can feel this then "value" cannot possibly be based in the job of the moment. It's somewhere else inside us -- elusive at times -- subconscious until one renders it otherwise by having the courage to explore it out loud. I am willing to speculate that you are overlooking the many elements which compose the aggregate value of who you are."

to borrow from someone much wiser (authorship in dispute)

"No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in the present little instant. Take peace! ... Life is so full of meaning and of purpose, so full of beauty – beneath its covering – that you will find that earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage, then to claim it: that is all! But courage you have.."

Yes ... you have wonderful courage and that in and of itself has a value that cannot be compared to a traditional job. Good luck on your journey of thinking and discovery. Your willingness to say things out loud helps me -- and it seems many others."

I feel all the positive comments sent my way has helped to bolster my courage. I am still uncertain about my future path, but I feel a little better about my current footsteps. Hopefully, I can find a internal compass or a map to help me find my way. As a first step in orienting myself, I'm going to work on a series of blog posts to explore my feelings and experiences around becoming a professional aeralist, and what that means for my personal value.

Ciao,

Andrea

As a final note:

I hope no one at home was worried that I was on the verge of harming myself. It occurred to me after the fact, that some of my readers may have been worried about my mental health. Let me assure you, I am OK. Not fine, obviously, but although I at times don't love my life, I do love the people in my life far too much, to ever consider harming myself.

What is the value of 1 Andrea?

Well, this blog has been silent for sometime. Not intentionally so, writing simply hasn't been high on my priority list. It's been high on my wish list perhaps, but when it comes to my currently lifestyle I run out of time for blogging.

I have been struggling sometime, Gentle Reader, with my sense of Value, and it is this struggle that is now motivating me to post. As I haven't blogged in many, many months, I need to explain.

In May of 2016, I became an aerial instructor, while my other sources of contract employment ended. I went from being involved in a variety of research projects, which relied on my many years of experience in medical research, evaluating medical studies, critical thinking, etc., to teaching people how to climb two pieces of fabric rigged to a ceiling. I went from highly paid work which, if not related to my Masters, at least benefited from my advanced education, to taking a hobby to the next level. I went from a real job to a...well, still a real job, but a not so..I don't know...do you get what I'm saying?

I may be over-simplifying, or perhaps over-dramatizing my situation, but I am doing so to demonstrating my feelings. I am struggling to understand the Value of 1 S. Andrea Milne in the world today.

Not long after I started doing aerials I thought it might be fun to teach. At the time it hadn't occurred to me that it could be a career choice. I took a 40-hour workshop on Teaching Aerials at the New England Center for Circus Arts in February of 2014, but I still didn't imagine that teaching might one day be my sole source of income. I took the course so I might one day teach a couple of classes because I thought it might be something I might like to do.

What changed?

Many things. Part of it is, I became a mother--something I wasn't sure I wanted to be for many years. Even stranger still, I found I wanted to be at home with Ruth more than what I could be with a full time job. Throw in wanting to continue my aerial training and I wasn't sure how I would balance a hobby, a job, and a daughter. Another part was that Andrew and I returned to Waterloo, Ontario, our home territory, and Andrew was no longer a student. With Andrew making decent money, I didn't actually have to work full-time to help support our little family. All the while I was assisting Aradia Kitchener in becoming Brass Butterflies, Kitchener-Waterloo's home for pole fitness and aerial arts.

So, now I teach approximately seven classes a week, plus help with whatever administrative duties I can around the studio--a far cry from a once fully employed Research Librarian I was when we still lived in Edmonton. Was I happy then, either? I think if you look back over my blog you'll find that was in question as well.

Here's this question of happiness again, or what I've termed in this blog post as Value. I think my current struggle has more to do with my sense of Value than it has to do with my sense of Happiness.

I feel I have less value because my current occupation might seem rather frivolous to someone who is struggling to put food on their table each night, or is struggling to achieve mental or physical health, or is struggling against discrimination, etc.

I feel I have less value because I am earning a lot less than I used to.

I feel I have less value because I'm never quite sure how to answer the question of what I do for a living, and although I'm not necessarily embarrassed to tell people I teach aerial silks for a living, I feel like other people don't see what I do as a 'real job.'

I feel I have less value as an aerial instructor because I do not believe I'm as good as many of the instructors I've had in the past.

I feel I have less value as an aerial performer because I do not believe I'm as good as other aerialist I have known (both fellow students and instructors).

Less value than what? I don't know. Less value than my husband who teaches at the University of Waterloo, helping students to become useful members of society? Less value than other friends with PhDs who not only teach, but activity participate in protests against the present administration in the United States? Less value than family members who I know participate in charitable works in the community?

Yeah, less valuable than all those people. And more who I don't know.

This is my struggle. I don't have a good answer, or plan, or anything for how to proceed. I have to, that much I know. I have to for my daughter, for Ruth. At the very least I want her to know that we (Andrew and I) don't value her for her accomplishments, but that we value her for her. And she is Amazing, and worth valuing for the hard-working, adorable, caring little girl that she is.

I value my daughter, and I want her to value me.

Until next time.

Ciao,

Andrea

Considering happiness

I'm lucky that I have a spouse who wants me to find a career that will make me happy. This is a subject that has repeatedly bobbed it's head above the water line over the last 12 years of our marriage. I've blogged about it the past too. Typically the conversation doesn't go much beyond my job doesn't make me happy, but it doesn't make miserable either. I suppose that's not horrible.

But that's not exactly what one shoots for, a job that's Not Horrible.

My life is in flux right now, it has been since we left Edmonton in 2013. Moving to a new city should have lead to a new job, furthering my career as a librarian, but we moved to the US. Finding a job was hard, and obtaining a work permit surprisingly difficult. I worked remotely, a decision that was easy more than anything else.

Again, it wasn't horrible.

Then I had a baby, went on maternity leave, and moved back to Canada. I causally looked for jobs as my year at home with Ruth wound down, but I also knew that other opportunities might or might not pan out if I waited to see. To make a long story short, I've decided to take a year to see if I can make a leaving out of Aerials. That would be teaching, performing, and maybe helping manage the business too.

So, what does this all have to do with happiness?

Well, I'm currently reading Happiness: A Philosopher's Guide, by Frederic Lenoir, in an effort to understand what happiness is, and how I might be able to incorporate it more into my life. In one of the early chapters, this particular passage caught my attention:

...think of a music lover who dreams of making a profession of music...If they succeed, they'll be happy to have realized their deepest aspiration...Other people might harbor the same dream, but cannot organize their lives in such a way as to achieve their goal...they'll keep saying to their friends, as the years go by, that they have a 'musician's soul, that they would really love to live their passion, but for the lack of effort and perseverance these people never realize their desire and will be condemned to frustration. p.39

I suppose this passage might seem harsh or depressing on it's own, but I'm trying to take it as motivation. If you've ever read my blog before, you'll know that one of my other passions is writing. For many years I worked a nine-to-five job as a research assistant, then spent two to three hours every night writing. I completed a couple of manuscripts this way, and attempted to get them published.

I would say I was somewhat striving towards my goal of being a published author. I kept my day job to ensure an income, but spent a lot of my free timing at home writing. This many years removed, I can't say how I felt in regards to trying to my efforts to achieve my writing dreams, but I sure do miss all the time I had to dedicate to my passion.

Now I'm shifting my focus to aerials.

I love watching the Olympics. I'm not sure why, I just do (along with many people, I suppose). A few days ago there was an interview on CBC with an Olympic cyclist, who's name I've now forgotten. I believe she was an older athlete, as during the segment, she spoke about how it's never to late to work towards your dreams, never to late to seek happiness. Her comments couldn't have come at a better time for me. It re-affirmed to me that what I'm doing is right.

I've put together a schedule for myself to make sure I fit in enough aerial training, running (for the cardio and bone health), and stretching. I'm looking into taking some ballet classes to help improve my grace in the air. Once I'm done my current round of library reading I'm going to looking into some books on fitness. I want to plan another trip to the New England Center for Circus Arts, to take further teacher training. I'll also be taking some additional non-teaching work at the studio.

Will this amount to happiness? Will this amount to a career in aerials? I don't know. What I do know is, if I don't try I'll be left wondering. This will definitely be a 'What If' situation. If I don't put in an effort, I will struggle to find happiness with the knowledge that I let this opportunity slip by untouched hanging over my head. For the next year I will try to live the life of an aerialist, and make a decision after that.

What makes you happy?

Ciao,

Andrea

To NECCA I go: Teaching training workshop, part 5 (Final)

Obviously I'm a few days late on this last blog post. One reason being that as soon as the workshop was over and I'd said my goodbyes, I got in my car and drove home--this time it only took me the 2 hours it should to drive from Brattleboro to Somerville. The other reason is that, as I mentioned in my last post, I've run out of new and/or interesting things to say about the workshop.

I'll try to summarize a few thoughts I have regardless.

1. It was a lot of information. I think my learning curve was much higher than most of the people at the workshop, having never taught aerials before. I had to learn about spotting (where to put my hands, how to move around and with the student, when to spot, etc). Thankfully I didn't have to learn any new moves (there might have been 1 or 2 on the trapeze I'd never done before, but they were easy-peasy), although I still had to figure out how to break them down and explain how to perform them. Plus, there were additional info sessions after lunch about injury prevention, learning styles, and rigging, and I was trying to make notes of the different warm-up routines.

By Thursday, my brain was pretty saturated. I don't know how people stuck around for the foundations training workshops in both fabric and trapeze.

2. There was a lot of trapeze. Although the time spent on each apparatus was equal (or close to), I think it's fairly obvious that this session started out as a "How to teach trapeze" workshop. The spotting explanations were the most specific for trapeze, and there were few times where we were told to "take a few minutes and just figure this out for yourselves." The latter statement was more common for the fabrics portion of the day, and then we often didn't have to try to explain to a partner how to perform the move. I'm not saying that it's bad that there was a heavier focus on trapeze, I'm just pointing it out, because that's the way it seemed to me (possibly because I'm a verticals person).

3. Spotting, spotting, spotting. In my opinion, I'd say too much spotting was encouraged. Maybe that's just me, maybe that's my Canadianism coming through (i.e. Canadian's don't automatically jump to threats of lawsuits if something goes wrong--more likely a student would apologize for having a fall), or maybe that's because when I started I was in a class with several other fairly athletic adults (and so heavy spotting wasn't necessary). I'm also weary of the idea of doing too much for a student rather than letting them fail. Sure, it's not fun to not be able to do a move, but I feel it's better than being over confident in the belief that I can do something, only to discover that when I don't have a spot I either hurt myself, or I can't lift my feet off the ground.

4. I managed to keep my Darcy-pants off. I was extremely nervous about having to be social without Andrew or another friend around for 5 straight days. I tend to be socially awkward at best, or come off as a Darcy-pants at worst, but I think I managed the workshop not too badly. I did bounce a little between groups, partially because I was trying to work with different people, but also because I didn't want to appear like a lost little kid, desperately following around attendees like a shadow. I was extremely grateful to those who let me join their groups, and helped walk me through how to do things. I was amazed how many people gave me pointers in a friendly, non-threatening fashion, when they could have easily put me down and made me feel bad. Circus people are awesome.

That's all I've got for now. I'm hoping to take more of the fabric instruction workshops, (possibly expanding to the rope workshop after I've taken the foundations session) in the future--and of course, I'll blog about it.

Ciao,

Andrea

To NECCA I go; Teach training workshop, Part 4

Since I blogged after the first 3 days, I feel like I really ought to blog for the remaining 2, except I also feel like I'm starting to run out of new things to say about the workshop. (Note how I used the word 'feel' twice in that sentence...it's probably a good indicator that I'm a kinetic learner.)

So, Day 3: I got up, I worked a little before I went over to NECCA, we did trapeze work in the morning, there was a rigging workshop after lunch, and fabric work in the afternoon. We talked more about giving appropriate spots, how to think about and explain moves, and troubleshot (or is it still shoot? It seems kind of weird) why students may or may not be able to perform certain skills.

I still feel awkward and tongue-tied in at times, but hey, Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

A very fun thing we did first thing, was a Kids Warm-Up. I'm probably never going to teach kids, but that doesn't mean warming up like them isn't enjoyable. It meant games. Running around, yelling, and making funny noises and shapes with your body. I spent 10 minutes of my phone conversation with Andrew telling him how to play Ships and Sailors (a kind of very involved tag-like game with a nautical theme), and how to do a Clown-style warm up.

The biggest thing for me on Day 4 was that I got a private session on fabrics. It was awesome, and I was completely exhausted after an hour (it's a lot of work when you're the only student). I've got videos with explanations to take back with me so I won't forget anything...and damn it, I need to remember to point both of my feet when I perform skills (my right toes are often pointed...my left foot seems to like to flex a lot). I was so excited with the new moves that I learned that I spent another 10 minutes of my phone conversation trying to explain them to Andrew.

I will refrain from explaining them here...as aerials moves written down aren't nearly as exciting compared to watching them being performed (although, I have written a new manuscript, which is an aerial romance!).

That's it for now. I've got one more day of the workshop, then home, where I'll hopefully soon be able to put my new skills into action.

Ciao,

Andrea

To NECCA I go: Teacher training workshop, part 3

Day three was the big Sample Class day. For a lot of people it was probably no big deal. As I've said before there are a lot of people at the workshop who already teach, but I'll admit I was kind of nervous. Or, maybe not so much nervous as worried I wouldn't do well. Does that make sense? Is there a difference? I think so.

When I'm nervous I get all gittery, I feel like I need to pee constantly, and my mouth goes dry. Last night I was reasonably calm, but I was worried about how I would do. Would I be able to speak clearly? Would I be able to demonstrate effectively what the students were to do? Could I successfully put those two together? Would I spot appropriately?

For the sample class we were placed into groups of three. Two people were to actively teach and support a 25 minute session on the fabrics, and two people were to actively teach and support a 25 minute session on the trapeze. The person left out would sit and observe (not to be the same person both times). Since I was the only one who had experience on both apparatus, I ended up participating in both, which was probably best for me since I have zero teaching experience.

I think our session went fairly well. We had three guys (one teen, and two in their early twenties) and they seemed to enjoy the whole thing. They thought it was cool to hang upside down and make poses, and they seem impressed with the few skills we demonstrated. Interestingly none of them seems to think twice about using my knee as a stepping tool up to both the silks and the trapeze. I got through my explanations reasonably smoothly, although I probably talked more than necessary, and faster too, but I think I made sense. So, go me? But I still need more practice, practice, practice.

Homework:

We were asked to think about our teaching habits. Words and phrases we use repetitively, gestures, etc. One brief session isn't enough for me to pin-point these behaviours yet, but as I wrote above, I suspect I issued more words from my mouth than necessary, and at-a-faster-than-optimal-for- comprehension (see what I did there?). Words come out of my mouth quicker than I can make sense of sometime, and it's probably the same for others. If I continue onto the certification program (which I hope to) I'll have to video tape myself teaching, then critique it. It's painful to watch myself in these types of situations (I had to do it for a class in my Masters), but I'm sure it will do wonders for identifying areas of my teaching that require improvement.

Ciao

To NECCA I go: Teaching training workshop, part 2

So, after the completion of day two, I still feel like the worst spotter/instructor in the room. Maybe that’s because I can’t see what anyone else beyond the small groups I work with are doing, or maybe I feel that way because I keep ending up with people who already teach and know what they doing, or maybe I just really lack confidence in this and need to build it up. It’s probably a mixture of all three, but at least the people I work with don’t seem to be holding it against me. In fact, I kind of like working with people who already teach, because they seem to be happy to teach me how to spot.

I also got hit in the nose with the end of a trapeze in the morning. That didn’t exactly help my confidence. And I accidently felt up someone’s butt (when I thought I was holding onto their sacrum) while I was trying to spot them through a bird’s nest pose. I will improve with practice, right?

Something new we talked about yesterday was learning styles: visual, auditory, and kinetic. I’ve known for some time that I’m pretty strongly kinetic in my learning style (apparently it’s a fairly small portion of the public that is, around 10%). For one thing, when I’m in a fabric or knitting store, or shopping for clothing, I MUST TOUCH EVERYTHING. If it doesn’t feel nice, I’m not interested.

How does being a kinetic learner factor into my aerials training? For one thing, I have what I call, a "gold fish brain" when it comes to learning new moves. As much as I try to position myself in a good spot to see what the instructor is doing, and hear what they’re saying, once I get up on the apparatus to try the move myself, I’ll almost immediately ask, “Okay, so what do I do now?”. Then I need to be walked through the steps again. The good thing is, once I get something in my brain and body, it’s pretty much in there…but only if I totally get it.

If I haven’t mastered something by the end of the class, chances are I’ll need the instructions over and over again until the information and my body click to perform the manoeuver I was struggling with.

Everyone’s learning style is different, and most people aren’t 100% one type of learning style only. In terms of teaching it means that you have to use a variety of techniques to demonstrate and show students how to accomplish aerial skills. It means I have to think of ways that maybe somewhat foreign to me of explaining how to do things to others. It’s a challenge, but hopefully one I can rise to.

Ciao.

To NECCA I go: Teaching training workshop, part 1

After the first day of the teacher training workshop I would say I’m a hesitant spotter. I hope this is just because I haven’t ever taught something that required spotting before, and that I’ll overcome this with practice. Yesterday we went through what might be a typical first class on fabrics, and a typical first class on trapeze.

It’s hard to remember what those first classes were like. I know both Andrew and I enjoyed it enough that by the end of our first hour and a half on the equipment we asked when we could enroll in our next session. I also remember that I couldn’t manoeuver my knees up to the trapeze bar without a small jump, and then desperately tring to hook my toe onto the bar so I could push myself through to an inverted pike.

Almost 3 years later, I don’t give much thought to getting up onto a trapeze (when I do venture onto a bar), I just do it.

So, spotting. It’s important. You need to keep your students safe at all times, the priority being, as Serenity Smith-Forchin said, your student’s computer (aka brain) and to do that, you need to put your hands on them—but in the right way. Not creepily, not with too much force so that you’re practically doing the move for them, not too little so that they can’t perform the move either. It’s something of a Goldie Locks situation, where you need just the right amount of support and guidance. I don’t have the golden touch, yet.

I hope by the end of class I’ll be on my way to getting there.

Our homework from yesterday:

Postural Analysis (a part of injury prevention): While standing, and thinking about it, I can maintain a reasonably neutral spine/pelvis position, although when simply standing around I tend to jut my pelvis slightly forward. I also think I’m reasonably good at keep my shoulders engaged when I lift them. But this might just because I was thinking carefully about what I was doing. I know when I work at my computer I have a tendency to allow my shoulders to slouch forward (who doesn’t?). I frequently remind myself to sit up straight (and sometimes Tweet it too).

Goals for the first year of teaching: Given what I wrote above, I’d like to grow my confidence as a spotter. Along with that, I feel I also need to build confidence in giving step-by-step instructions as I spot (We didn’t exactly do this as we practiced in class, but many people seemed to do it naturally. Some people were very good at it, others, not so much. It doesn’t help that everyone in the workshop knows very well what to do without help).

Ciao,

Andrea

To NECCA I go: Teacher training workshop, part 0.5

I had something of a challenging start to my week of aerial teacher training.

The drive from Somerville, MA to Brattleboro, VT is only about 2 hours, but last night it took me…3.5, I think? There were 2 reasons for this: 1) the weather was kind of crappy, and I spent much of the time driving between 60 and 80 kph, even though I was on major highways where I should have been driving more like 100 kph or more; 2) I’m still not a pro at navigating the New England area, which meant that in the dark…well, it was awfully hard to read my directions. At least every time I made a wrong turn I realized it almost immediately and just had to wait for an opportunity to turn around.

Then I thought I lost my wallet. I stopped to get a snack on my way, since I was driving over dinner, and threw my wallet on the passenger seat when I got back into the car. Then, when I arrived at my accommodations, I was in a hurry to get out of the car and must of have knocked it over so it was wedged between the seat and the door. Later, growing panicked and very dark, when I went out to look for it I couldn’t see it, so I called Andrew to tell him I’d lost it. He was at a party, but agreed to cancel my American credit card for me, and we’d deal with the rest in the morning. Good thing we didn’t go all gung-ho and cancel everything, since I found it this morning, in the day light.

Now I’m just having some breakfast and gearing myself up for 5 days of socializing with people I don’t know. This is a pretty major challenge for someone who’s a Darcy-pants like me, especially when I don’t have Andrew, or other friends with me as backup.

Wish me luck.

Ciao,

Andrea

A long slow return to blogging

I went blog-silent in December.

No particular reason, I just didn't have anything interesting, or note worthy to post about. Toward the end of the month, I did get my Individual Tax Identification Number (ITIN), which means that Nora is now up on Amazon. There are other spots on the Internet that provide a detailed explanation as to how to obtain an ITIN, but I might add my own two cents if nothing better to write about pops up.

I worked on a new story in December, a pure romance about the circus. It's mostly done, just half of the last chapter left to go, but now I'm a bit stumped as to what to do with it. Correction, last night I decided that my heroine, Beth, needed a better resolve, so it'll be another chapter or two before I'm done. I'd like to send it to Entangled Publishing (they expressed interest in Cimwai's Bay, but ultimately turned it down), but I'm not sure what line my story would best suit. It's about the aerialists and acrobats in a travelling circus. My character's a little too old for one category, I'm not sure if there are enough romance tropes in it for another, and there's no sex. There will probably be sex (Eep, I've never written more than a kiss before, so this shall be...interesting).

What's coming up for me in the new year? Not a whole lot. Andrew and I are still in something of a transitional stage, living in Somerville. Even if he get's a job offer (there are interviews coming up), we may opt to stay in the States until his postdoc funding is complete (it's good for two years). I'm still working remotely, which is fine for the most part, although it can get a bit lonely at times, especially right now while the days are short. I've started to volunteer with a food pantry organization nearby, which helps get me out once a week.

I'm also going back to NECCA in February for their Introduction to Teaching Aerials workshop and I hope to start helping at Esh Circus Arts as an assistant instructor for the next session. I'd once thought of becoming a figure skating coach (for kids), but since I stopped skating when I started aerials I gave that idea up. I'm still interested in coaching/teaching in some form, and since my focus has changed, I feel like being an aerial instructor might be a nice alternative. I'll report back after the Teaching workshop.

Currently we don't have any major travel plans beyond my driving to Vermont. We might go home to Ontario over Easter, but that will probably depend on how busy Andrew is with research stuff.

I hope everyone is warm and safe wherever they're reading this from. Somerville's been a real treat weather-wise. We were +10 Celsius yesterday when much of Canada was disgustingly cold, and even though today was on the negative half of the thermometer, at least it was sunny.

Ciao,

Andrea

A circus break: a trip to NECCA

This past weekend the hubby and me took a short trip up to Brattleboro Vermont, the home of the New England Center for Circus Arts. We visited there in the summer to participate in the aerials skills week, and while there were informed that they would be holding workshops over the last week of October. We decided back then that we would try to arrange to return for one or more of the workshops, in particular we were interested in the day long session on rigging.

Brattleboro is a two hour drive from our home in Somerville. The journey is rather picturesque, as you drive through the rolling hills of the Appalachians, passing by (and over) rivers. Some of the roads are very twisty, and at times you're driving on an undivided highway of only one lane each direction, so you need to be paying attention. When I return in February (more on this in a bit) I'm going to have to be careful on these roads. Anyway, this isn't about the drive, it's about the aerials learning.

On Sunday we did a 2 hour session with a friend of ours from Edmonton who was at NECCA for teacher training. Our instructor was Destiny Vinley, who we'd met in the summer. She was super fun to work with, and we learned several cool poses that can be built upon to do all kinds of different moves. I only a have a few videos from this session, which are rather slow and not very graceful, so here are a couple of shots from the summer instead.

Monday was a 6-hour workshop on rigging for aerial equipment. Andrew and me both felt it was important to learn more about rigging, in case in the future, we find ourselves performing on our own around Ontario. The session was very informative, but as pointed out by the instructor, we are not now free to travel about the country rigging silks and trapezes as if we were professionals. What we are able to do is recognize when rigging is done safely or not, which is key for aerialists.

One of the coolest things we saw during the session, was how many pounds of force are created from different aerial tricks. Surprisingly, the greatest amount of force achieved was just shy of 1,000 pounds (from a double ankle drop). That was very reassuring to see, as it tells me that the ratings for all of the equipment is far greater than what is needed to avoid crashing to the ground. I think we'd both like to take more sessions in the future, so that we might become more qualified and experienced with rigging.

I'm going back to NECCA in February to take their introductory course for instructors. I'm looking forward to the 5-day session, as I'm hoping to start assisting with a couple of the beginner classes at the studio in Boston.

Ciao,

Andrea

Circus is pain

Have you ever seen a Cirque de Soliel show? Did you marvel at how beautiful and daring the performers were?

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Circus is painful, or as I often like to say: 'Circus, it's surprisingly painful!' A common question upon learning a new move (especially a drop) is: does it hurt? And then: how much does it hurt? And then: Does it hurt more than <insert move here, usually Double Bubble>?

Andrew and I stopped doing trapeze because it hurts. Think about it, you're sitting/standing/hanging on a metal bar with no padding but your own skin and muscle. I've heard it said that hoop hurts even more. No thank you. With silks and rope, you often tie up your feet in knots, then stretch yourself in unusual directions. Then there are drops. Again, you tie yourself up in some fancy wrap, then you LET GO (either with a leg or a hand) and jerk to a stop. Circus produces some interesting bruises...

I don't have much experience to compare aerials to other performance arts with, but I have spent time figure skating. Figure skating only hurts when you do something wrong, like fall. Jumps and spins don't hurt while you're doing them, although I suppose some pairs or dance moves might be more uncomfortable.

What's brought on this post, you might ask? Andrew and I took a private lesson yesterday to learn some double/duo aerial moves. It hurts even MORE than regular aerials. I suppose this should make sense. It's not just your own body weight pulling against the bar of a trapeze (which we learned the first basics on), or the live ends of silk, it's someone else's body weight too. Oi. I have some interesting discoloration coming out today.

So, after this one might wonder why anyone would want to do aerials. My answer: despite all the discomfort IT. IS. AWESOME. As I wrote not long ago, I love performing drops. The whoosh (and the rush) as you go from the top to the bottom of the room. Also, you just get used to the discomfort. It's a little like developing a taste for a food that you didn't like at first. You do it (or eat it) enough, and you get used to it.

Ciao

I'm 32 years old and I don't know what I want to do when I grow up, Part 4

The next logical step in my discussion of jobs might be to take a look at what I like to do/what I'm good at. Although to be honest, I don't know how this will transpire into ideas of what I want to do when I grow up. At any rate, here it goes. Maybe something will come to me as I type...

Kitchen related activities: cooking and baking pretty much any thing. I love putting together complicated meals, trying new cooking techniques, new ethnic styles of cuisine, everything. I also love to bake bread, cakes, muffins, squares, whatever. I'm particularly proud of my breads. I've been doing sourdough for several years and have got my method down pat. I tried a new rye bread this past weekend--divine!

Writing, of course. I'm mostly a long story writer, although I've done a few short stories in the past. Obviously I blog and tweet, although I haven't figured out a good niche to focus on. My biggest downfall is that my command of grammar can be questionable, and my editor-eyes are only half-powered when I'm looking over my own work.

Knitting and the occasional craft project. Most of my non-writing creative energy gets focused into knitting, although I've never felt compelled to create my own patterns. I'm pretty good with complex patterns for sweaters, scarves, mitts, whatever, although I'm pretty new with colour patterns. I don't really sew anymore, although if I had the time and patience it might be nice to get back into.

Aerial skills. So I'm never going to be in Cirque du Soleil (not sure I'd really want to anyway), but I love learning, practicing, and performing on the silks and rope. It's something about the combination of strength, dexterity and grace required that appeals to me; that and I love being twenty feet up in the air and going for a huge slack drop.

Okay, so those are some things I like to do, but what about more bankable skills, things that will help me land a job?

Well...I am the office cake lady. If someone's leaving/there's a special event, I'm often called on to bring something in. Writing and good communication skills are also pretty important for most jobs, but what else?

I know my way around most biomedical databases (Medline, Embase, CENTRAL, CINAHL, etc.), which means if you need literature on a medical topic, I can probably help you out. In more every day terms, I also have pretty good Google-fu. However, don't confuse the term 'Librarian' with 'Search Engine'. My dominant Darcy-Pants gene will probably rear it's head and I will glare at anyone who asks me something for which the most basic Internet search will return appropriate answers.

I'm pretty good with most of the standard citation management software such as Reference Manager, EndNote and RefWorks. I know how to use the various grouping/folder features, make output style filters, and integrate them with Word. However, if there's an actual problem with the software, I can't help you. Also, don't confuse 'Librarian' (at least this one) with 'Tech Support.'

What else? I mean, is this my resume or something? Sure, I can spout off a series of standardize remarks about my critical thinking and analytic skills, ability to work with minimal supervision, my project management skills, etc., but that isn't really the point, is it?

I'm supposed to be reflecting on what I'm good at and what I like to do in order to help me make some job-based decisions, and all I can say thus far is what I like to do (and what I'm reasonably good at) are my hobbies.

So what's the point? What have I learned (Charlie Brown)?

That I, like so many others, would rather live the high-life, have fun, and not work at all.

I do, however, live on planet earth, and am well aware that I can't just have fun all the time without an income to help support Andrew and me.

I think I'm back at square one.

At the end of the semester I had 27 study partners, 8 Mead journals filled with recipes and a D average—so I dropped out. I just figured if I was going to make the world a better place I’d do it with cookies." ~Ana Pascal, Stranger Than Fiction

Ciao

Reaching for the stars, our first aerialist performance to Gustav Holst

This performance actually took place this past June, but I only got the video yesterday. Andrew and I participated in Firefly Theater's annual Let There Be Height fundraiser cabaret. We were first in the show order, which was good for a couple of reasons: 1) I didn't go nuts with anxiety waiting to go on; and 2) because we were pretty beginner and most of the audience didn't have expectations for what was to come, so we seemed impressive.

The theme of the show was Space, so we decided to perform to selections from the Jupiter movement of Gustav Holst's Plants Symphony. We had two really rough rehearsals (I got all tangled in one move during the tech, then we fell in our lift at the end during the dress), so we were really pleased to have hit both our performances. This video came from the Saturday night show, during which we weren't quite in sync, but thankfully there were no Russians on the judging panel...or rather that there was no judging panel at all.

We performed a multi-trapeze number with our class as well, but as there were other people performing in it, and I'm pretty sure the music is still copyrighted, I won't post it here.

Back to The Cure on Thursday!

Cheers,

Andrea

Acrobatic fun at Firefly

You could say that when Andrew and I get into something we really go whole-hog. When we took the intro to aerials in May, we loved it right away from the first class. I went so far as to ask our instructor at the end of the class when the next level would be starting up--I liked it that much. We took a stretching class in July. There were a bunch we were interested in, but being a wannabe writer and a PhD student means that we can't be out of our home every night of the week or we'll never get our work done. We also started going to the drop in sessions after the end of our intro class. We were by far the least skilled at the drop ins, but whatever, we wanted to practice the skills we'd learned so that we wouldn't be completely rusty be the start of our next class. So, when we were at one of the drop in sessions we heard about the special classes being held in September by a guest instructor. One week, 3 different classes. Which ones to take?

I think one of the reasons I love skating is the 'human powered flying' that can be achieved in jumping (I've always been a much better jumper than a spinner). Therefore, I knew right away I wanted to take the 3-night acrobatics course. The other classes sounded nifty too (Chinese pole--not stripper/pole dancing, and duo trapeze), but I wanted to do tumbling, handstands, etc. I think I send in my request to sign up about five minutes after we received the official announcement email (go smartphones with email alert). Classes were scheduled for 2 hour blocks in the evenings (M/W/F), the week of September 12th.

There were nine of us in class in total (several seemed to be signed up for the other courses as well) all with varying skill levels, although I think Andrew and I were the newest to Firefly. We worked a lot of handstands on the first day, plus back arches, and worked on assisted back walk overs. I know we also got some cartwheels in, although I don't remember what else. It was a pretty tiring class, but fun. The instructor, Chris Taylor, was very good. He teaches in Toronto, and is also a circus performer. He was very positive and energetic and was good at breaking things down so we could understand  how to do (or attempt) to do the moves. Our second and third days were in fact, quite similar, although we got to go in a harness and attempt back tucks.

By the third day I was tired.We'd been physicially active every day of the week and Andrew's stomach seemed to be quite unsettled, causing him to miss half of the class. A couple of people got to try back tucks without the harness (I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't one of them, but again, I was pretty tired by that point anyway). Andrew and I got shown a new balance/lift move (we had done a couple on the second day when we were just practicing the various things we'd been taught), but again, my arms were really tired and I couldn't get myself into the right position to achieve the lift. We've heard that Chris might be back in the winter, so we'll almost definitely sign up for more classes and hopefully I can work on my handstands and back arches until then.

Ciao,

Andrea

Let Their Be Height: Firefly Circus and Theatre School

Last Friday night (June 10th) Andrew and I attended Firefly Circus and Theatre's fundraiser cabaret show. As new students it seemed appropriate to support the school, plus we enjoy watching aerial performances (hence why we decided to learn the skills in the first place). Thanks to a tip from a co-worker of mine we headed out early and arrived at the theatre at Faculte de St. Jean around 7:20. The show wasn't scheduled to start until 8:00, but the theatre was already over half-full, with little space at the tables on the floor, so we decided to head up. We got pretty good seats, actually, first balcony off on stage right, and we didn't have to crane our necks to see the show.

The theme of the evening was the 1920s. As the show began, a number of the cast members filtered out into the audience (on all levels) wearing flapper-type dresses, chatting with people, posing for pictures, flirting, etc, until they eventually all filed onto the stage for an opening dance number. The opening was well put together (one of the school's instructors has extensive dance-theatre training), but a bit odd at the same time because the music sounded as if it came from a musical (I couldn't quite place it, however) and so there was singing, but not from the cast members. From there they moved into the first number featuring what were likely some of the beginner girls, performing on the trapeze (I assumed beginner, because they performed several of the tricks we've learned in our first two weeks). Novice or not, the group did a good job and we made sure to clap as often as possible.

The show reminded me a little of years ago when I skated in club carnivals. There was an over arching them that carried through the evening, with little interludes here and there, and everyone got to show off their skills. I don't mean to say that I thought the show wasn't very good, or not worthwhile, it's just how I would compare it to my own experiences. The set changes in between pieces were well done with a number of extra girls (who I don't think ever took to any of the apparatus, but I could be wrong) who would rush out (costumed) and pretend to dust/clean/sweep as they pulled out the silks or ropes etc. They kept in character the whole time giving the show an extra level of fun.

Two numbers in particular stuck out in my mind--the first involved our instructor. After the second or third number a 'tin can phone' dropped from the ceiling and began to ring. Out came our instructor, Kim, and in no time at all she'd climbed the rope in order to 'talk on the phone' with the show's MC. It was basically an advert for the silent auction, with the humorous twist that Kim just causally hung out at the top of the rope during the session. This was repeated a second time (promoting more items in the auction) with another performer joining in, also climbing a rope to get to a phone hanging from the top of the set. For the final time they both came out in heels and climbed the rope by doing a twisting-split move instead of simply going up straight. When they got to the top this time they actually performed their number.

The other performer of note was on the tapeze, she did a solo number and definitely shone. She seemed to know how to carry and move her body and did some really cool moves that we didn't see from some of the other trapeze performances (including a summersault over and around the bar). Andrew also enjoyed the last number, which featured four slightly older men (slightly older in that they were probably our age, rather than late teens, like the other two guys in the show) who did a robber/chase sort of number. One of the men climbed a silk using just his hands (legs sticking our at 90 degrees from his body) then proceeded to swing across the stage from silk-to-silk. Quite impresive.

Perhaps if we stick with Firefly we'll find ourselves in the show next year. Even if we don't do an aerials number we can always do a poi routine. For now, we're enjoying our intro class, and we're taking a stretching and flexibility class in July.

Ciao,

Andrea